I went in the water again..3 in the morning..

For one, it scares the shit out of me and I ve let it come in my mouth, my eyes and my ears but then it takes me where I wanna be...somewhere unreal.

I went out on my own earlier this evening..for a change..went to Cottons on, bought a Khaki shirt, a sweater, a black tank top and running pants. Bought myself a huge cup of yoghurt as well, my only source of energy these days..and I got stalked by a creepy boy who kept asking for my name and I told him 'I dont do this'..Came home to find a package outside my door..Flowers & soft toys and strawberries. Another guy I am avoiding.

Think I ll keep the strawberry...the nearest convenient store is a kilometer away!

Bought a cream for my lips..It still fucking hurts when I'm eating or drinking something.

Jo is in love with a guy who is 49 and she is lost..Married with two kids. I told her she doesn't stand a chance, she is what, 23? and men at that age wants to find out whether he s still fuckable but He'll fall back to his wife after the heat s gone..she s complicating her own perfect life, told her to run a mile away while she can and I knew I was lying all along.

Would you live a lifetime, safe in your cocoon without knowing love or burn yourself into that fire for one moment of pure beauty? I look at myself in the mirror and I am parched! ..I don't even care if I don't get to see him again. I don't care if he turns out to be an asshole, a coward, a runner, a Ryan Bingham crap or whatever..

I saw and felt it..this heaven or hell. And I will always be that moth circling the flame..

As long as I feel something, even if its pain..