May the 16th. The first day of the rest of my life..

I barely slept in 48hrs, two hrs of fleeting sleep here and there and it would be an understatement if I'd say I am tired. And yet, I couldn't call it a day. Our airline is doing well, I think..I see new girls being rostered on flights and I heard 10 batches are currently under training. Which is apparently good i suppose. So the 10% cut off in our basic wouldn't be there. Not that it bothered me. So what really does bother me? Maybe, being not able to see my Family in a year.., buying something thru my gritted teeth bothers me, being used to ideas that a place to live and car is what I might work and Not knowing what love is bothers me..

Work.

While I was sipping a Mondavi Fume' and trying to sleep I kinda thot of the irreverssible damages that I caused..So many that I couldn't bring myself to admit. I wish I was smarter, wiser..How did Confucius got all the wisdom in the world with just one life? I am Missing that face that I saw for the first time outside of the Hyatt in Taiwan...the good looks and I remembered what I thot at that moment.."where the fuck where u all my life?' Was I intoxicated? I am pretty much rite now..I could tell at the way my Laptop got a dent and i heard a dang just now, my eyelids are heavy too. I bought the idea that I could give myself 3 months before I could walk up to him, arms & legs wide open. Babe, its just an affair...This is what I tell myself everyday. would we be even there when I ve to confront the truth? would we even last a few years.. Eternity is a word too exaggerated. I love his ring..The sheer coincidence that once I saw it at the back cover of a magazine and I thot it was nice, i was in school then. I wannabe able to come back to Manipur, even get engulfed with the hopelessness of this place..its a suicide but I feel like choosing it over this dream.

Now i feel like laughing at my plight...I see how easily I d give myself to an obsession. Thinking every waking moment. Its just the face that kept changing. I d never be loyal to anyone except to love.