Paul's birthday today. My sis is askin me to suggest a place to dine out. I just woke up...still hoarse from sleep, I told her I’ll think abt a spot and let her know. Strange thing, sleep..confusin it to reality, I talk to myself in my dream, I saw people i knew in my past..walkin together, doin sumthin seemingly purposeful. I was amenable to them. When I finally woke up, i had this sinking feeling..must be a fool for wishin I didnt wake up at all..lit myself a smoke and i stared at the chores ahead..the room is a mess, I ve a broken Budweiser in the freezer and a mount of washed clothes to fold, to iron.
Got a call past midnite last nite..no words. It rang again and this time i heard the voice n I flinched. Looser. I wrote later that it was the most despicable person in this world. Why do I need this hatred to heal?? Does it mean I am too weak, too human oh Prometheus? lol. Does any frenship end in a good way? If it does, perhaps its not over yet..as if we said goodbye only in words.
I am leaving this city for good, I ve a German 1st level to pass and I am thru here..It’s a diff matter that I havent touched the book. Yet. Well, I’ll make a to do list for this week b4 I board the flight home. Visit the cemetery, read german, buy formal shoes, stock on necessities..Cigarettes, sanitary pads etc etc, get a jacket and a skirt,buy no vodkas..I ve miles to go before I drink. I ve miles to go before I drink...lol.