Lets write something nicer you & I..Hmm?

I learnt how to step out of my own skin and pretend that I'm someone else..like for instance, when I am working I am this person with a smile, In my room I am Virginia wolf, with my frens I am the girl who is game for anything..esp, another tequila shots, with dean I am a girl next door whom you can ask for sugar..With you, I am me.

I flew to Beijing with this girl call cheryl, 24 yrs old, sweet & innocent..she screwed up big time on the flight, didnt know what was what, she couldnt even open her seatbelt. So I wrote her a step by step service procedures that somebody else did for me when I was new..We also went to the Forbidden City together and I waited patiently as she ate slowly..listened to all her grievances and her stories..She'll learn. Hugged her in the taxi and I said goodbye..she told me she'll never forget me and she was about to cry & I quickly stepped out. All the while thinking, its just a matter of time that she will..our job is such. I wouldnt even remember where I flew before Beijing let alone recall whom I flew with.

I told her to go out with her mom, go for a nice dinner and not to think about this flight..I also told her not to tell her mom about what she went thru..Why did I say that? Why did I ask her to do what I did..not tell my mom about anything that I came out of...mean chinese fuckers who... Well, I acted as If I was having a great time traveling while I came back feeling gangraped from each flight. I don't hate my job, I hate the crews sometimes.. I needed this job to prove me that I will stop my drug-chasing, Nimhans-friendly lifestyle that I had earlier... I was harming evryone around me. I used to feed R some pills and we used to get so drunk & high & I drove his car like marvin! I made Ash do evrything I did..

I think I kinda slowed down after that incident in Manipur..And I applied for a job, to get out of India..I think it helped evryone else that I left..well, thats comforting!

And Evryone believed it that I cleaned up well. Almost evryone..

I am suppose to write something nice. I found a new swiss premium flavour..Pink Grapefruit and it taste beautiful. And I did 3 lapses on the pool. Cleaned my room, finished long due chores and I am getting better.