Sijina left for India..for good. I told her earlier that I'm not gonna be a fool to cry..we laughed, joked about excess baggage, how Indians always travel with excess baggage and shared a meal, she ate her fav Mcspicy burger for the last time.. before she hugged me to say bye..She had lost so much weight, she felt almost frail as i hugged her back. And she said in my ears that it was a pleasure to have known me and that she would miss me. A lot.I wanted to tell her to shut up, wanted to say this isn't goodbye but then it slowly sank in me that it was. She asked me to leave before she went in & I told her not to look at my face and that I won't turn back. Distance and time so effectively end ties..

I was hanging on a thread the whole day..Immigration and a goodbye wave earlier that morning and I was gloomy. I stood behind the glass wall and I stared at the tall frame and I thought I am letting myself get hurt again. I have seen you leave over & over again and every time it feels like a deep cut..to just stand there watching you go. I guess those who leaves has it easier than those who stayed behind.. I must ve had a heart made of stone to endure this.

Alcohol has a way of washing off your heartache as you give in to it's numbness. With that I started sorting papers, stacking it, throwing old clothes and shoes and packed one and a half year of living in my old room, to a few boxes. I found letters, birthday cards and I kept some, stealing a few memories from life's suitcase..change does feel like new shoes, it always bite on your skin. I hate the light in this room but having a pool & a gym wouldn't be so bad. I had a gloomy feeling as I entered, I missed my old room, missed the trees that sways on a rainy day.. lit up a smoke and unpacked my bags and embraced this fucking room as my new home.

Dean told me I looked like I just saw a hurricane & he did evrything to cheer me up..He is a short fella with oldfashioned hairstyle & as if I was a kid needing a candy, he came to pick me up on a jaguar. I had a coupla drinks and I found myself talking to a few old timers at Georges and I started smiling again. Smoked outside with a woman of scottish & chinese origin and we were talking about (yet again) my nationality..she came up with an outrageous 'you look spanish'..Said goodnight and I came back, sat by the pool, smoked and made some frens who told me to join them for a drink this weekend.

One way or the other, we have to wriggle our way out... There is no such thing in life as permanence. Moving is living.