I thought I wudnt feel a thing.

Barely slept two hrs I ended up pacing in my room & as if on a spell I walked in the heavy rain. The cool tapping of the raindrops on my face cooled some of the heat in me. The air felt cleaner...I felt seriously dehydrated after last nite. I am starting to get so used to the feeling of lying on a speeding taxi with my head so fucked up.

I Slipped and fell on my butt as I walked on and without thinking I took my sandal off.By god, it poured and I was so pissed. I peed back. Was I even sane earlier? Working in that company, walking back home to save on the auto fare coz I had vowed not to ask money home, cooking and holding up the small world I created for myself & the one I loved. Was I ever in love? I thot I cleaned up good..from walking barefoot in the streets of Goa to here.Who am I fooling, I never changed a bit. Remon, if you re reading this tell me how did you pulled off your transgression? I feel bloody awkward trying to fit in their world..like a teenager with a funny voice..neither too young nor too old. Neither loved nor hated, just awkward.

Find me there again at 4th block..I ll wear my navel touching hair down...

Love,

Rahel.